Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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