dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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