Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
