I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize