I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
