And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
