And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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