Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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