I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Vodka?
Forever.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
