I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
