i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
