I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
