I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
