I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize