And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
