so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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