I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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