Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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