Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
