i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
