too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
