I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You're like the curious george of whores
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
