He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
