She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
