How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
