Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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