we made out on top of his cat.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
