Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
