He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
