Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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