fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
