atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
