I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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