Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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