New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
