just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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