Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
