you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
