Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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