I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
