Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
A+ Viking dick
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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