Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
