dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize