remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
