I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
