im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
