first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
