i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
