i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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