i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
