The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
