She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
