Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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