I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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