worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
