I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No subtext here. People are naked.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
