i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
