dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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