Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
