I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
