walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
