just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
