i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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