this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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