That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
