That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
