There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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