watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
sex in a hospital.. check
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
