If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
