If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
