You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
