I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
