none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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