if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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