I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
