Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
