I want to stick my p in your. b.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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