i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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