I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
